The fine line between

Merde.
Putain de merde.
Con.
Trou de cul.
Tu me fais chier.

In all aspects of the title, I just shouldnt have. It sucks, now, feeling the way I do. But one thing's for sure I'll never lower my expectations, wants and needs. Because those are the things that define me as the person I am, now. Say that I am materialistic, that I dont appreciate, that I'm impossible. Because maybe to you I am all that, and more. So deal with it, suck it up, or leave.

I feel that Ive been doing more than is called for on my part. I really cannot take a cheapscate. I will not tolerate someone who doesnt give his/her 100% or more, I will not deal with someone who isnt gentlemanly towards his/her gf. Say Im pampered, say i'm spoilt... Because maybe I am.. all that and more.

It's not surprising but I hate people in love or in a relationship or have someone who makes them feel all warm and fuzzy. Simply because I know how great it feels and it was taken away from me.

It's that heart pounding, feet flipping feeling that life in general doesn't provide.

Falling in love is an extreme sport. Do it right, you get your fix. Fuck it up and you end up in pieces.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance.
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

The problem with letting people into your life is you can't remember where they left their footprints. When they leave, you find yourself have a rude shock at unexpected corners.

I won't let any girl taint my girls again. No more naming, no more gamer profiles, no more anythings.

'cause these are the only girls who have never left. I'm not going to let anyone mar them.

Never.

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweat and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. Most of all wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong."

- Unknown -

Funny how it's probably easier to find that person rather than be that person.

The first time I really payed attention to the song was when me mate propped on leg up on a bucket and played air guitar to another mate. It's a great song but I wonder if it's true. It's an incredibly optimistic and arrogant stand. But when you love someone so deeply, it is kinda true. And if you're truly meant to be, no matter what shit falls, it'll work out. If it doesn't then rationalizing it as not everyone is lucky enough to find the one works out too. So what if people think you're a sad romantic sod? I'll gladly be that sod 'cause at least I know that all the fuckups haven't fucked me up royally.

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

----

Somedays, I wonder if this was all meant to be.
Now, I'm not really too sure where I'm headed.
Only time will make sense of all this.
Only time can help me through the dark cold nights.
Keyed and etched into my mind but,
I'm fine the way things are.
Everyone can laugh at my fate and foolishness.
Secretly, I know I'm the luckiest fool of all.

Shopping spree of sorts. I go to LV. NOTHING. I go to Ben Sherman. NOTHING. It's not that I didn't want to spend money. I was more than happy to burn cash but there was nothing worthwhile. However, when I finally got me a new wallet. BAM. The flood gates open. And damn they nearly burst when I walked into Cartier.

I walked in. I saw the Trinity ring. I knew you'd love it and I would have gotten it for you. But life's like that. I thought it was going to be just a short look-see. Then, Mandy came along. "And I need you today, Oh Mandy." I swear Cartier must be heaven 'cause you are an angel. I checked out all the possible rings to get. I almost bought the ring just because. Totally and absolutely smitten. I'd have bought you a ring if you'd go out with me. But I know, it's the bewildering ones who make me dumb. But still, I so wanna go back there just 'cause. I haven't had a girl send my heart aflutter in ages. The heart thumping, about to jump outta my mouth, I think I'm going to have a seizure kinda flutter. The last time was when I first met Nice Eyes.

And seriously, I think I can do the pickup artist thing. I just need to figure out what to say in context 'cause it doesn't matter what you really thought about me if I can feel on fire like this. Damn. I just need to figure out what to say to them girls.

Oh Mandy.

Also, today I realized that I should have been a suit. CBD? I love it. It felt like a playground. Suddenly, my eyes were opened. For the past few months, I felt like I've been living with my eyes closed. I know that one day I want to find my 2.0 but for now it's about checking out what God has put on earth for me to bask in the glory of. 'cause I know if I keep my eyes open, I'll get to spot a hot one or two. And if I smile and remember how good life is, I know I'll make some girl's day too.

-swoons-

frankenstein's monster finally found his bride. they were perfect for each other. their dispositions, their body part's history and even that nut on their temple was taken from the same park bench. they lived in their tower but they realized they had to go out and play. the world was beautiful and grand. it was theirs to take. to walk down the streets holding hands and telling the village folk how great things are.

sun was shining. they put on their sunday best. look out the window and see villagers sharpening their sickles and testing their pitchforks.

you could live your life regretting and trying to find solutions to problems that can't be solved OR you could live your life making yourself a happy, happy fuck.

;)

i confess. girls. i love them. haha.
great sex. love it too.

i have no clue how i'm going to get used to working again. damn. that i don't like.